7 Best Responses for Do I Look Fat?

1. No, you look pregnant.
Only if she's at least 5 months pregnant AND looks pregnant. Misuse of this response could lead to divorce and death.

2. It's all baby.
Hope she forgets you complaining about having to buy maternity clothes.

3. Don't say anything.
Act like you're in deep thought worrying about being a good parent.

4. I have to go to the store.
The fat question is proximity triggered and if you're not in the house she can't ask.

5. I'm sick of you asking if you look fat! You never believe me when I say no.
This one is tricky, trying to turn it back around on her will only work if her self-esteem level is at least 75% of max capacity. Any less and she turns into a crying mess and you're mean.

6. That color really brings out your eyes.
This is another tricky situation. You actually have to preempt the fat question. This almost requires a sixth sense about finding the perfect timing so she doesn't catch on. They can smell insincerity with alarming accuracy, like dangerous predators looking for something to kill.

7. I have a surprise!
Girls love surprises, it shows you care enough to sneak behind her back for the good of the relationship. If you're constantly taking her to Chili's or just giving her ice cream sandwiches, thank you Michael Scott, she'll eventually catch on to this ploy. Then you'll have to actually buy her something. Avoid that and plan ahead. Stock up on Hallmark cards and gift cards that don't expire and hide them. Nothing says I love you like hiding things from your spouse.

Know your way around the fat question? Add your own in the comments below.